Hammer Time!!!
Here are a few pictures from the show in San Jose this past Friday:
When is Seeing Sounds coming out?
JUNE 10th in the USA, that’s tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!
What joke did Pharrell tell Hammer? Tell us a good joke, we’ll send you something for the funniest one!
What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
- Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Yeah so…. I cannot wait till midnight! Me and my crew are gonna be at Virgin gettin our CD’s and wristbands!! I must admit, I have never been in such “fan mode” before. I mean waiting in line at midnight to spend my grocery money on a cd??!!!? Totally not my “norm”. But hell, at least Im doing it for truely talented people. NERD has made me a new Barbie! See ya tomorrow.
Peace, Love & Seeing Sounds!!!!
~RB
What do a blonde and an airplane have in common?
A cockpit
Once a dane, a american and a german had to go pee-pee so they went to the mensroom to take care of their business.
First the dane went in and came back with a frightened face saying “daamn, there is a huge ugly spider in the toilet”. Then the american went and came back with the same frightened face. Finally the german went where the spider came out saying “daamn, what a huge ugly german”…
Q: What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAAA
(Wack…It’s funnier when you say it in person)
Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
my joke:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
yo how do i send you guys pics…i have a NERD brain tattoo…i wanted you guys to see
what did the hobo get for Christmas ?
nothing.
A teenager with pink, blue, green, yellow and red hair sat down next to an old man in a mall and the old man just stared at him. After a few minutes the kid said “what’s the matter old timer, you never did anything wild in your life?” And the old man said “Yes. I had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.”
CANT THiNK OF ONE….
BUT I’M SO READY FOR THiS ALBUM!!!
iTS GONNA BE DOPE!!!!
i’M LiSTEN TO SOME SONGS NOW!!!
LOVE YA P!
Yessir!
-Leah
“You didnt tell me you were bringing Marilyn Manson to the show!?”
http://www.myspace.com/1460LV
Da album iz fukin dope mn da beats r amazin da bridges r sik n da lyrics mke it!! N.E.R.D R AMAZIN!!! i luved da 1st albumz n lisund 2 dm non stop till even ma sistaz n cuzunz nw da songz wrd 4 wrd!!! havin sed da personaly i luv dis 1 more itz difrnt bt in a gd way. x
–>> ! ¢ $συη∂ѕ <<–
Yhea So my Girlfriend is calling this Stevie Wonder Look…. (NO DIFFERNCE TO STEVIE WONDER BUT HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HIM IN THE PIC I SHOULD GET THE PRIZE)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”
She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!’”
damn wish i was a comedian…
A judge is working on a double-homicide case and tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
“You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.
“You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge.
“Bastard!” the same person yells.
The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom. “Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”
here we go…
When Chuck Norris jumps into the water he doesn’t get wet; the water gets Chuck Norris.
=) *fingers crossed*
or
hammer: do you have ideas on how to save my stagnant career?
4rel: what career?
what do u call a deer with no eyes? no idea.
Hammer: hey p…. I’m ready for my 5th comeback album I need that madonna / clipse(hood)/ gospel combo can u get me any thing????
P: I got got you
H: how much
P: I dont know will work something out
H: good cuz all I can give you is two backup dancers and a bodygard !
What did Yeezy say to Weezy?
Yo dawg, this too easy.
Looking forward to the album drop… YESSIRRRR.
and thais why p face look like WTF???? Lol…
Joke 1:
Hammer: Hey Pharrell was that your BLACK CARD?
Pharrell: Yeah why you don’t have one?
Hammer: No but I got this welfair card.
Joke 2:
Hammer: Yo Pharrell what’s that shirt say?
Pharrell: Billionaire Boys Club.
Hammer: Oh I used to be a member…
Joke 3:
Hammer: Wow that chain is on point Pharrell.
Pharrell: Thanks Hammer I was worried when I got it I figured all these pinks and yellows might be too much.
Hammer: Nah that’s fresh looks like all the slips on my estate when it got re-poed’.
Joke 4:
Hammer: Thanks for letting me in tonight Pharrell this is the closest I have been to a stage in years.
Joke 5:
Hammer: Pharrell I hope you pick an attractive groupie because this is what they end up looking like!
Joke 6:
Hammer: So Pharrell you know about my financial troubles right?
Pharrell: Yeah what’s up?
Hammer: Well how about I sell you my daughter on the right and my masters for 3 pairs of jeans and a fitted?
Joke 7:
Hammer: Damn I wish I would have been nicer to Charlie Murphy so he would have had a story to tell about me to save my career.
That’s what she said.
Where does the king keep his armies(army-es).
In his sleevies!
HERE’S MY JOKE: (I KNOW IT’S LONG BUT HEY…)
George Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, ‘You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.’
Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.’
Cheney added, ‘That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.’
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, ‘Such big-shots back there. Sh*t I could throw all of y’all asses out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.’
These jokes are hilarious!!! Imma have to tickle my own funny bone and post a joke… Hmmm…
*off to tink…*
What do you call cheese that is not yours…
Na-cho cheese!!
1. wat you call cheese thats not yours
^^^nacho cheese
2. What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand. —– cuatro sinko
Ok here is my jokes, i hope there not too lame
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,
biker in the face and says:
“I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw
her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!”
The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one
bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
“I got it on with your grandma and she is good,
the best I ever had!”
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one
more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!”
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says…………
“Grandpa,……. Go home, you’re drunk”
2nd Joke
This guy goes to see the Pope as he was visiting in Europe. There is a huge crowd of people there but he manages to get through.
He watches at the Pope stops every once in a while to whisper something in a their ear. He was dressed in his best suit because he really wanted the Pope to talk to him but, as the Pope came up to him, he walked right by and stopped by a guy near him who was homeless and dressed in rags.
So, the man says to himself, “I know why he stopped at him, he’s homeless!” So the man pays the homeless guy 50 dollars to use his clothes and he goes back the next day.
Well, this time the Pope stopped at him, leaned over, and whispered, “I thought I told you to get out of here yesterday!”
3rd Joke
Three guys die and go to heaven. The first goes up to St. Peter who says, “I have only one question before you go into heaven: Were you faithful to your wife?” The guy answers, “Yes, I’ve never even looked at another women.”
St.Peter says, “See that Rolls-Royce over there? That’s your car to drive while you’re in heaven.”
The second guy gets the same question, and answers, “Once I strayed, but I confessed to my wife and she forgave me and we worked it out.”
St. Peter says, “See that new Buick over there, that’s your car to use in heaven.”
The third guy answers the same question, “I have to admit, I’ve chased every girl I saw, and was with a lot of women.”
St. Peter says, “Okay, but you were basically a good guy, so that old VW Bug over there is yours to use while you’re in heaven.
The three guys go off on their separate ways.
A few weeks later, guy #2 and guy #3 are driving along when they see guy #1’s Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go into the bar and find guy #1 with empty bottles all around him, face down with his face in is hands on the bar.
They come up to him and guy #2 says, “Bud, what could possibly be so bad-you’re in heaven, you drive a Rolls Royce, and everything is great!”
He says, “I saw my wife today!”
The other two answers, “That’s great! What’s the problem?”
He answers, “She was riding a skateboard!”
4th joke
Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”
The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”
Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you don’t smell them, do you?”
“Hmm,” says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled “Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”
“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”
one day after school jake saw his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her bdy crying ;I need a man i need a man” he saw her doing this several times after, when one day, he heard her moaning again…when he peeked into her rom he saw a man on top of her..he then ran into his room took off his clothes started stroking himself screwming oh, I need this BBC tee! I need this BBC tee”
A guy walks into a bar.
He says OUCH
cheezy but never gets old to me…
Can’t wait to get the album tomorrow!
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says “i’m looking for the man who shot my pa(w)”
hahahah.
funny, right?!
lol
I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it “Do not eat if seal is broken.” So I opened up the box, and sure enough…
P: I’m Seeing Sounds!
H: Weirdo! Hahahaha
ok heres another one… a little inapropriate
so one night a man was having sex with a chinese woman
and then all of a sudden she started yelling harger! harger!
so the man started to go harder and harder
she kept yelling harger! harger!
so the man went even harder
the next day the same man was playing golf with a chinese man
the chinese man teed off and yelled harger!! the man who had had sex the night before ask what does harger mean?
the chinese man replied: wrong hole
i hope nobody’s offended or gets the notion that i’m some kind of sick F***. LOL
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a trash can full of dead babies?
- I don’t have a mercedes in my garage.
My schedule for tomorrow:
Anticipate a lil more.
Purchase.
Literally see sounds.
“My shirt says bbc/ your pants say HAMMERTIME!”
Lol
Your brain is magic city/ your nose is ATLANTA
There a priest that went on vacation so the secondary priest filled in for him. That day a women walks in, into the confession booth to state her sins. The secondary priest says “what have you done wrong.” The women then says ” I have lied, I haven’t been going to church, and cheated on my husband and gave another man a blowjob.” The priest then goes”OK. say two hail marys for lying, umm say 3 our farther’s for missing sunday mass, and say..umm hold on one second. With the secondary priest confused and not knowing what to tell the women for her third sin. He goes up to the alter boy and asks ” What would Farther give for a blowjob?” The alter boy then says ” A tap on the head and a candy bar.”
“Three tomatoes are walking down the street.
A poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato.
Baby tomato starts lagging behind. P
oppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him… and says, catch up!”
for dumb-asses : catch up ketchup
What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot you friggin’ racist.
Pharrell:
I have a confession to make, I see sounds….
Quiet
Hammer:
Laughing hysterically!
P: Yo hammer, last night i was chillen so i went out and i walked into a bar
H: and…
P: OUCH!…get it?
H: oh HAHA
This is probably only funny to me, simple because I find anything funny:
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells “You should have been here at 8:30!” he replies: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
or
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me,” he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. “I don’t know,” he says meekly, “but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast.”
Oh Hammer I didn’t know you were bringing Cher with you! I thought you was a preacher, you preachin’ alright…Chuuch. LOL
turns out Hammer was born without eyelids. it was a medical miracle what happened next….
they took Hammer’s foreskin and used that skin for his eyelids-
as you can see he looks fine….
he’s just a little cock-eyed.
A guy asks a girl “Have you ever had magic sex?”
The girl says “No, how do you do that?”
The Guy says ” We F**k, then You disappear! Tadah B***h!”
Gimme the prize lol…I dont have a joke lol
“I think communication is so fersbern.”
what do you call 100 white dudes chasing a brotha?
the pga tour
*hammer thinking*
I have no idea what pharrell’s talking about but if I laugh hard enough maybe i’ll get a free beat
“Hey Hammer, remember when you had money?”
Pharell: I see her face and I can’t let go. She’s in my dreams and my heart, so let me know… HAVE YOU SEEN HER? Tell me Have You Seen Her?? I’m lookin for that special love!! (Oh love!)
not a racist…
an american a german and a mexican are all wandering through the woods trying to find food cuz they had gotten lost in the woods while camping
Suddenly they see a farm and they all run into grabbing fruits and vegetables
The owner to the farm comes out of his house with a gun and starts running towards the american german and mexican
The farmer then says “i should shoot u all for coming onto my property and stealing my fruits and vegetable, but ill give u one chance to survice” Then the farmer said ” you have to put 100 of one fruit or vegetable in your butt”
The american was up first- he picked blueberries and got up to 56 and burst out laughing, so the farmer shoots him straight in the head
Next the german picks strawberries and and gets up 75 and burst out laughing
The american and german meet at the gates of heaven and one of the angels says ” why did u burst out laughing”
and they both say ” we saw the mexican with watermelons”
okay, so only guys have found this funny so far. my humor may be a little too raw, but here it goes!
So a patient comes into his doctor’s office very distressed and asking for an appointment asap.
So the doctor comes around and takes him to one of the check up rooms.
The doctor asks “Whats wrong?”
Patient: “You promise not to laugh?”
Doctor: “Of course I won’t laugh, it’s my obligation as your doctor to take everything seriously because it’s your health at hand!”
The patient drops his pants and boxers to reveal his penis.
The doctor bursts out laughing uncontrollably.
It turns out that the patient’s penis is only one inch long.
After a few minutes of hysterically laughing, the doctor regains his composure and apologized.
Doctor: “Sorry, but what’s the problem?”
Patient: “It’s swollen.”
Godd enough?
Hope it is!!!
&sorry I missed the concert
out here in Phoenix yesterday!
I cried…oh well.
Coppin that shit manana.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef
If a girl with big boobs works at hooters where does a girl with one leg work?
Ihop
what is Mozart doing now?
DECOMPOSING!
Hahah wow, some of your jokes, guys, had me LOLing at work!! haha
LOL = laughing OUT LOUD
Bear walks up to a rabbit and asks him..
“hey man do u ever get annoyed when u take a shit and then it get stucks to your fur?”
rabbit says, “oh, no not really..”
bear says, “okay” then grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff……….?
Tequila
http://www.myspace.com/tomnicholls16
Okay, here are my jokes.
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, “Just t hink, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”
“I know,” the old man said. “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.”
“Well,” Granny snickered “Let’s relive some old times.” Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, ;”My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps.
“One’s in your coffee and the other’s in your oatmeal.”
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see & nbsp;a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One d ay a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”
“Oh,Bill, you didn’t” she exclaimed.
“Yes, I did.” he replied.
“My God, Bill, what happened?”
“I got fired.”
“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”
“Oh…she got fired too.”
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband
starts rubbing his wife’s arm. The wife turns over and says
” I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again.
“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
Okay, here’s my last one…
3 tampons are walking down the street mini, maxi and super. Which one said hello?
None. They’re all stuck up bitches.
Pharrell: Hey Hammer, want to hear three blonde jokes?
Hammer: Sure..
Pharrell: Listen to Hanson.
I just bought Seeing Sounds on iTunes. Will also buy the cd later today. I’m loving it!!!
Q: Why does snoop dogg have an umbrella?
A: fo drizzle
A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, “How did you get such a huge orange head?”
The guy says, “Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern.
A genie came out and said, “I’ll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire… what is your first wish?” I said, “I’d like all the money I could ever spend.” The genie went poof!, and there it was, all the money I could ever spend.
Then he said, “What is your second wish?” I said, “I’d like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.” The genie went poof!, and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me.
Then the genie said, “And what is your third wish?”… and I think this is where I went wrong… I said, “I’d like a huge orange head.”
Pharrell: How’d you like the show Hammer? I thought we HIT this venue up hard!
alternative joke that has nothing to do with hammer because I’m not super creative:
Who should be teaching the younguns a thing or two about GOOD music instead of soulja boy????
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!
Q: What are the two sexiest animals on a farm?
A: A brown chicken and a brown cow.
Why? Brown-chicken-brown-cow! (bow chicka bow wow) I know, but you probably laughed
(PERTANING TO THE PICTURE)
HAMMER SAYS: “PHARRELL YOU BETTER STOP BUYING ALL THOSE G SHOCKS WITH DIAMONDS OR YOU GOIN END UP BROKE.”
PHARRELL SAYS: “HAMMER IM NOT YOU!”
LOOK AT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
so there this lady on the beach with no arms or legs and she’s crying. a man sees her and asks, “why are you crying?”, the woman replies, “i’ve never been kissed..” The man says, “thats ok” and kisses her. The woman continues to cry..the man asks, “why are you crying now?” she says, “i’ve never been hugged.” The man says “alright” and gives her a hug. she still continues to cry and the man asks, “now why are you crying?!?” The woman replies, “i’ve never been f*cked”. The man says alright…so he picks her up and drops her in the ocean and says, “now you’re f*cked!”
seeing sounds 6/10..if you dont have it by the end of the day. youre F’d too…
What’s the fastest way to kill yourself in Louisisana?
Wear a jacket!
Lol freestyle joke. Its 92 degrees out here.
A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message
on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ICE CREAM van just down the road. He rushes to the scene where he
discovers a man’s body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril,
raspberry sauce all over his head, and he is covered from head to toe
in hundreds and thousands.
A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to
which the policeman replies: “It looks like he’s topped himself.”
P: Hammer, I know you’re a huge fan, but if you really believe that wealth is of the heart and mind… I could have just given you one of our shirts.
Steve
Sick show in the D, pumped to be spazzing again at the garden in August!
P: What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
Hammer: I don’t know. what?
P: Nothing! You already done told her twice!
man approaches an ice cream van and asks, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please.”
The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come this morning. We’re out of chocolate.”
“In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream.”
“You don’t understand, sir,” the girl says. “We have no chocolate.”
“Then just give me some chocolate,” he insists.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, “Sir, will you spell ‘van,’ as in ‘vanilla?’”
The man spells, “V A N.”
“Now spell ’straw,’ as in ’strawberry.’”
“OK. S-T-R-A-W.”
“Now,” the girl asked, “spell ’stink,’ as in chocolate.”
The man hesitates, then confused, replied, “There is no stink in chocolate.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she screams.
My joke:
Craig David, Shaggy & Britney Spears once sat in a room. Suddenly, they all feel the smell of a fart. Shaggy goes: “it wasn’t me!”, Craig goes: “i’m walking awaaay!” and at last, Britney goes: “Ooops! I did it agaain”.
Baby polar bear asks his Mom, “Mom…am I 100% polar bear?”
Mom says, “Of course honey! I am, grandma and grandpa are, your dad is…why do you ask?”
Baby replies, “oh, i dunno…I just wondered.”
Baby polar bear asks his dad the same question, “Dad, am I 100% polar bear?”
Dad answers, “Of course son! I am, your mother is, grandma and grandpa are, why?”
“BECAUSE I’M F*#KIN FREEZING!!”
a screwdriver walks into a bar. A man spots him out and says ,”hey dude! Did u know they named a drink after you?” the screwdriver says ,”wow, they have drink called Robert?”
Lets see here….”I think you should PAID off your ass for the seminar you gave. You know…how you showed people what NOT to do when they actually make it.”
Hammer, since BBC had so much success with the car crash series.. we were thinking about feature you in the Career crash collection
Here is another joke…..
A WOMAN SAID TO HER MAN “bABE, I WANT TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE EXPENSIVE”, SO SHE DROPPED HIS ASS OFF AT THE GAS STATION!!!!!
Heres a corny one:
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams
A. In floats
!!!!!!!
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some.” How hard is it?” she asks.” About as hard as my di#c%k.” he replies. “Ok, then pour me some!”
!!!!!!